( e )

i was sitting in my film class yesterday.. and such thought popped up in my head from nowhere..
hmmmm... i found it crazy .. to have thought about something like this..and even crazier to write it down..
but here it goes...



the beauty of art .. (to be precise, FILM)  is deeply rooted in its nature of unattainableness.
no matter how deeply you are in love with a movie.. you can never really own it.
when you say that .. " oh i have that movie..." .. it doesnt really mean that you HAVE it.
you just mean that you have the dvd, or vcd, or whatever form of physical existence (a.k.a hard copy) of it ..
(since movie is not something that can exist on its own .. it HAS to take a tangible form, for it to make sense)
having the dvd (plus the console that will play and display it, of course) only guarantees you unlimited access to it..
when you suddenly feel like missing your favourite scene in a particular film, you get up from your bed 3 in the morning and watch it.. yet the film can never be yours.
to be more accurate, a film never belongs to anyone.
in my pov, it doesn't even belong to the director .. because it takes so much effort of all the other people to have a film made.
(this is truly interesting.. when thinking of it.. in the economic aspect.. it is an artifact that doesn't belong to the producers, and neither does it belong to the consumers.)

to me.. it is when WATCHING it that a film truly comes into possession ..
we completely OWN the experience of watching it .. and freely relate ourselves to it.
the fantasy, eroticism, fear or tears provoked is all that matter ...
it is only the experience that counts . ..

yes it feels like .. falling in love in with a film which i dont have a hard copy of.
if we truly liked it .. we should be able to replay it in our head .. feeling like we are watching it.

really .. we dont need the hard copy ..


"LACK IS GOOD"

i took a walk down robson last weekend.

i stopped by chapters ... and saw this little jack-in-the-box in the x'mas gift section.

 

 

 

i thought to myself, life is like a jack-in-the-box, somehow.. .

it goes like this ..

 

the whole point behind this jack-in-the box thing is the moment when little jack pops out.
we all know that it is going to happen but we don't exactly know when.
the thing is ... do we wind the handle .. just to listen to the music, plus the building up of expectation,
or do we do it because we want to see little jack ?

 

so i turned the handle as quickly as possible ..  finally i saw jack.

but i didn't remember anyhing about the music that i just ''played''. ..

which should be a pretty cute christmas song ..

 

 

then i put jack back in the box ... and started all over.
this time i played it real slow .. aha now i see what song it is. i know this song.
yet this time i ended up not letting jack out... ? maybe on purpose?

 

 

 

 

hmmm... then i thought to myself .. maybe i should take it slow?

or maybe jack isnt the real purpose .. ? rather the song is?

or was there not any jack in the box in the first place, that everything was out of my imagination ..?

 

 

maybe i shouldnt manage to find out ?

 

 

 

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how come ... i am so emotion-less .. at times?

while deep in my heart the feeling was raging . ..?

like when i saw the guy i liked my heart skipped so much but i could still act perfectly normal ..?

 

i really want to let it all out ....   

 

 

 

sigh...

 

 

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why am i using question marks at the end of every sentence .. ?
even when it's not supposed to ask anything .. .?

 

so it shows how unsure iam .. .of everything?

 

 

 

 

??